Bapa,

   I don't understand. How could I have lived my life after salvation and still not known intimacy with You? How do other people? As christians we say the right things, we even want the right things, but...What changed in my life? What made the difference?
   A few weeks ago I was the same christian I had been since I was 14 just with a little bit more biblical knowledge, but now I can feel Your presence and so much more. My heart-knowledge matches my head-knowledge. Even more so, I know You. I'm ready give up my life at a moment's notice because I know You. You are everything to me. I could have said those words a few weeks ago, but they wouldn't have been true. The thing is...I wouldn't have known that they weren't true. What has changed in me? What changed my life? I don't know if it was anything I did. You did it for me, didn't You? I asked and You brought it about.

   "They called the apostles in and had them flogged. Then they ordered them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go. The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name." (Acts 5:40b-41)

   " But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him...I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead." (Philippians 3:7-9a, 10-11)

   I know what these mean in my heart. This isn't just a head-knowledge anymore. A willingness to lose everything and to suffer that Your name may be glorified, that's what I know. Nothing on this earth compares to You!
   Your Holy Spirit is who changed me. I was desperate for something more in life. I saw the life of a friend of mine and I knew he had something that I wanted. At the time I didn't know what that was though. You so encompassed him in Yourself that his very life was sacrificed to You. He wanted You to have control, but he took it one step farther...He gave You that control. My desperation caused me to seek. The yearning for something more caused me to ask. And because that is exactly what You wanted from me and for me, You gave me everything that matters in life. You gave me Yourself. An intimate relationship with the creator of the universe. An intoxicating presence. An indescribable master. You are Lovely. You are Bapa. And You are everything to me.